The Emotional Side of Boundaries

I’m not quite sure why no one talks about this but Imma talk about it. I’m guessing you either just set some boundaries or are feeling like you need to. First I must congratulations doll! It is the best thing anyone can do for themselves. You should celebrate. But… after you’re done giving yourself the kudos you deserve go grab some peppermint tea, light a candle, and take a seat. Cause baby girlllll, there is a necessary grace period and too often a serious mourning period associated with boundaries. Let’s get into it.

 

The Fallen Few

So I certainly didn’t expect that everyone would adhere to my new sturdy, gem encrusted, gold dusted beauts AKA my boundaries. However, I wasn’t prepared for the initial backlash and (let’s just call a spade a spade) utter disrespect, that came with the new requirement of respect for people to interact with me. You know… because at the core of every boundary is a demand for respect. They might require others to respect someone’s time, space, decisions, feelings, choices, lifestyle, marriage, relationship, and so on.

In short, setting new boundaries, removed my rose colored glasses, and force me to acknowledge the many people that were quite comfortable treating me any which way, in other words, badly. Some were not just comfortable, but now entitled to be disrespectful and felt that me prioritizing myself, my choices, my time, my space, and my life was selfish. My initial reaction to the people around being offended or ugly when I would reinforce a boundary initially made me really angry, but that’s just because I was avoiding feeling hurt. I strongly believe that anger is the energy it takes to suppress hurt feelings. You will hear me say that often.

Back on topic.

Anger was my knee jerk reaction. I hardly ever stop at anger though so I gave myself some grace and dug a bit deeper to stumble upon a pool of hurt feelings. Found myself thinking things like “I’m so hurt that Cindy Lou Who (I ain’t using people’s names) had the audacity to get upset with me because I didn’t run myself ragged doing a favor for her when she can easily do it for herself”…. Or “I don’t understand why Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv feel the need to criticize my decisions when they should really focus on their damn selves…” There were many petty comments, and hurt feeling whirling around my head and my heart until I finally found the true center for my anger. The was a little whirlpool in the center of my pool of pity. I didn’t like what I found there initially. It just kept playing on repeat, “why have I allowed all of these people to treat me like shit for so long?!”

 

Accountability: The Path to Peace

I had to take accountability for the state of my relationships and how other people were treating me. The first person I had to forgive was myself. Baby girlllll, it took a lot of grace, prayer, meditation, crying, and journaling. A few therapy sessions. Extremely, blunt, vulnerable conversations had to be had with myself so that I could move forward. But! It was essential for me to take accountability and to forgive myself in order to keep my beautiful boundaries in place. Once we’ve mastered taking accountability and forgiving ourselves, we have the tools needed to be free from all outside negativity and toxicity.

Cause girl… coming back full circle. There was a bunch of toxicity coming my way after stepping into my power and declaring that I will be treated well by all people in my life.

So back to these habitual line steppers. The people that refused to respect my boundaries. What was I to do with them? Short answer, they were all removed from my life. Meaning, their access to me and my home base was extremely limited or completely cut off period. Now I know that some of ya’ll are reading this and thinking, “damn, that’s harsh.” That may not be the move for some, but it was necessary for me. When I realized that some relationships required me to be mistreated in order to be maintained I wasn’t having it anymore. Say it again again for the people in the back. When I realized that some relationships required me to be mistreated in order to be maintained I wasn’t having it anymore. So, they had to fall by the wayside.

 

Good Mourning

Annnnd… this is when the mourning period set in.

It felt like a bad breakup… because well… it was. I would sit and reminisce on the good moments and miss them or it would be a holiday and I’d want to call. Some of my friends and family judged me for no longer engaging with those said individuals which was hard to deal with initially. Some of them would do their best to start drama to bully me back in place which was hurtful at first until one day while meditating I received the most amazing message.

 

What Got Me Through It

When you are being elevated, your load is lightened. When you step into love, grace is given. When move into a new space, it will not be understood by those in your old space.

Let me expand on that because I have no doubt that you dear reader are able to relate to what I’m about to say. Are you in space where you are working to break generational curses? Have you stepped into a space where you’re finally getting comfortable with who you are and have promised to be your authentic self every gah damn day?! Are you thinking about working on a project that aligns with your purpose or have you started working on it recently? Have you started prioritizing your mental, physical, and emotional health over comfort? I’m betting the answer is a resounding YES!

When you are stepping into who you are meant to be you can not take toxicity with you. “When you are being elevated, your load is lightened.”

When you are stepping into your purpose, hate, fear, and anger have no place there. “When you step into love, grace is given”

When you journey into the work that was meant for you, the thing that no one could ever take because it was declared for you at the moment of your conception, those who haven’t listened for their calling don’t have the capacity to comprehend the love, respect, and growth required to fulfill a purpose. “When move into a new space, it will not be understood by those in your old space.”

I fully believe that the mourning and grace we learn from setting boundaries is necessary. It is preparation for our purpose. That was all I needed to hold strong and seek better for myself. More importantly, I was able to step away from those that no longer fit into my life in a loving way. I gained peace.

When the pain bubbles up, step into it, sit in it, face it, and gain whatever truth your pool of hurt is trying to tell you. You’ll find your peace and freedom there. It’s worth it babes, it really is, and you are not alone. Trust that your tribe is out there, and step out into the world proclaiming your worth simply by accepting nothing less than what you deserve. You deserve it all.

Until next time.

Sparkle Babes.